In
my family, mom was always the one you ran to when you cut your finger, or when
someone hurt your feelings. Dad was
always the one who checked grades, who we practiced sports with, and went to
the beach with in the summer. Dad was
always the one I called when I needed some extra money. Mom was the one I called when my heart was
broken, or when I was feeling down.
These roles are not mom or dad specific, just how they ended up in my
family. Too often does one assume that
the nurturing parent is always the mother, and the father is always the strong
assertive type that manages the money and makes most of the major
decisions. My parents operated as a
unit. Every decision made by one was not
made without checking with the other.
This
mutual decision making is how my relationship is as well. Working moms need support from their
counterparts, stay-at-home moms even more so sometimes. We all are trying to get through the day,
support our families while staying relatively sane in the process. Fifty years ago, mom stayed home and raised
the kids while dad went out into the world and worked to support everyone. Our world is now filled with blended
families, families with same-sex parents, stepchildren, half-brothers,
half-sisters, cousins, grandparents, and everyone needs to support everyone
else. We’re all in it together.
Several
decades ago, if parents separated or divorced it was assumed that mom should remain
the children’s primary caregiver. The
assumption that a mother is better fit to be a primary caregiver is no longer a
valid argument in Maine. In fact, under
Maine law, a court may not apply a preference for one parent over the other
when determining parental rights and responsibilities solely based on the
parent’s gender, or even the child’s age or gender.
Under Maine law, the standard for
determining parental rights and responsibilities is what is in the best
interests of the child. The best
interests standard can be determined by a number of factors, including, but not
limited to:
- the age of the child,
- relationship of the child with his/her parents,
- the child’s preference (usually considered if age 12 or older),
- maintaining continuity in the child’s life regarding living arrangements,
- the motivation of the parties involved and those parties’ capacity for love, affection and guidance,
- the child’s adjustment to his/her present home, school and community,
- each parent’s capacity and ability to cooperate with the other and encourage frequent contact with the other, and
- the existence of domestic abuse between the parties and how that abuse affects the child.
(See 19-A M.R.S.A. 1653(3)).
As
you can see, all of these factors give Maine courts the opportunity to consider
every different aspect of a parent’s relationship with their children and their
capacity to continue to provide a healthy and safe environmental for them. Whether you are male or female, it makes no
difference. Many fathers come to mind
among those that I know that are incredible parents. Whether you are mom or you are dad, you are
just as much a parent under Maine law with just as much of an opportunity and
ability to raise your child successfully with their best interests at heart.
I
am incredibly thankful for the love and support that my son’s father has given
to me throughout our relationship.
Without his help, I would not be where I am today, and that is what
being a partner in life means. Whether
you’re a single dad with kids at home, if you only have your children every
other weekend, or if you’re in a relationship with someone raising children,
you all should be celebrated. Fathers
make sacrifices every day for the betterment of their children and that is why
we celebrate them on Father’s Day.
Shannon M. Esty, Esq. is an Associate
Attorney at Seacoast Law & Title.
Shannon’s primary practice areas include family law, estate planning,
real estate law and bankruptcy. Seacoast
Law & Title is located at 1399 Bridgton Road, Westbrook, Maine. She welcomes comments or questions at
sesty@seacoastlawme.com or at (207) 591-7880.
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